[ID: a gifset of reboot Kirk and Sulu in a shuttle. Kirk: So what kind of combat training do you have? Sulu: Fencing. Kirk: …]
Been thinking of reblogging this gifset for a while, and this version comes with awesome/ridiculous fic about Sulu and Spock and footwork, so here you go.
Okay so I’ve had this open in tabs for days because I keep meaning to write (relatively) serious tumblr fic on it about like, Sulu’s feelings about sabre vs. epee and the first bout he ever won and shit, but the truth is I keep coming back to this thought about how Sulu uses this one big-ass horizontal Jeffries tube off of engineering to run through his footwork sometimes, because it’s just the right size for it and Scotty’s really cool about it and Sulu finds it relaxing? Plus it’s important to keep yourself in practice, especially if you fence with the level of competence that Sulu does, his body must be ready at all times etc.
Only then one day there’s this like, Starfleet banquet thing or something they have to go to, and Jim and Bones agree that Spock needs to learn to dance because at the last one of these things he embarrassed himself (“AND YOUR SHIP,” Jim insists, “ALL BRIDGE CREW ON THE USS ENTERPRISE MUST BE ABLE TO SHAKE WHAT THEIR PARENTAL FIGURES GAVE THEM,” while Bones sits in a corner muttering to himself about who else aboard this ship might be embarrassing, Captain Look In A Goddamn Mirror). And when Spock raises an eyebrow at Nyota she coughs and is kind of like, “Uh, yeah, I was planning to employ some tact in mentioning it, but yes, last time was bad,” and so they send him down to engineering because Scotty is widely acknowledged as the best dancer on the ship. Spock, of course, is basically planning to live long and not give a fuck on the whole issue, but when Jim and Nyota agree on something he tends to do it because it just makes everything easier for everyone. (Dr. McCoy’s opinions, obviously, are immaterial, as he is impossible to please at all times.)
And, I mean, you can guess what happens here: Spock comes across Sulu going through his footwork and assumes it’s the dancing lesson because, really, all human dancing seems like nonsensical footmoving to Spock, and when Sulu turns around and sees Spock copying him he assumes Spock wants to learn fencing, which, hey, about time someone took some interest in what is obviously the best form of self-defense around. But of course the most important part of fencing is the footwork so Sulu doesn’t do anything that would clear up the confusion, like, you know, hand Spock a sword, before the banquet, he just keeps correcting him on form and running him through longer and longer drills.
And anyway all this is how, at the next Starfleet banquet, Sulu returns from a trip to the bathroom only to see Jim shaking with laughter, McCoy with a hand over his eyes, and Nyota with her fingers covering her mouth as she looks at… Spock, in full dress uniform and with the straightest face imaginable, doing a series of perfect lunges across the center of an otherwise empty dance floor.
On the plus side, Sulu thinks, his form is excellent. He’ll be ready for practice bouts any day now.
Day 7: From left, Italy’s Diego Occhiuzzi, Luigi Tarantino, Luigi Samele and Aldo Montano celebrate their victory after their men’s sabre team bronze medal fencing competition against Russia.
I saw this event while in London! Great fencing, but the Italian team were such crybabies. I think it was in the match before the bronze one, they contested 3/4 of calls.
But mostly I love how I can say I was there!
Assessing the 2013-2013 Rule Changes
Today the USFA released an 11 page rules digest on changes to effect competition in the 2012-2013 season. I shuffled through all 40 new approved rules and dumbed them down to “What you need to know,” “Other key takeaways,” and the “Why the hell didn’t the USFA address this rule” category. Read on.
Cheesy language jokes, round two
- Me: So, Julius Caesar walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a martinus.
- Sis: Oh no..
- Me: The bartender looks at him and goes,"Oh! You mean a martini."
- Me: "No," replied Caesar. "I only want one."
- Sis: ... What?
- Me: Noun declensions.
- #and then the bartender stabs him 23 times for being difficult
- At fencing practice, we do wall sits as part of our workout, and the tradition is to tell jokes while we are sitting to make the exercise less excruciating. This is one of the only jokes I ever remember, and I can never tell it because nobody wants to hear about noun declensions while their thighs are on fire.
- (I've also heard it told with the punchline "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one," but there is no dual in Latin. I wonder how many other languages Caesar knew...)
A rapier, manufactured in the mid-19th century by the technology of the old masters as a gift to one high-ranking person. Such exceptionally flexible rapiers were made in Toledo in the beginning of 17th century. They were sold in gun shops and coiled in a circle to show its flexible properties.
oh god want
ABSTAIN French for “so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention”
ADVANCE Forward motion made by male fencers toward female fencers, usually resulting in a slap across the face.
ATTACK IN PREPARATION When you sneak up and hit your opponant while they’re still putting on…